2004-02-27 17:54:43 (GMT)

Fucking payday is worse than Friday the 13th

Everything was all jim dandy after going to the gym this morning, and doing an hours worth of cardio training. Oh, I should include the sighting of a local team of hunky basketball players.

Coming to work was a bit of a hassle, since the traffic at the toll gate was extremely annoying with the overly sluggish attendants manning the toll booths. Ne'ertheless, I got to work 4 minutes ahead of my shift.

As always, I go about the business of looking through my email and all that. What seriously raised my eyebrow was when Jay notified my that HR said I didn't submit my records. I was furious upon hearing this. It is my task to remind my staff to make sure to submitt their records.

I did mine as scheduled, but apparently it didn't make it to their records. FUCK THEM! They have no right of holding back the paycheques of people who have already rendered service. That is an Accounts Payable on their end. It is a problem with their system. Employees should
not have to bear the burden of being responsible for records keeping. They were hired for that process, and that is what they should work on. I hope they have miserable weeks ahead of them. Imagine the inconvenience this has done. This is the third time they have completely FUCKED UP with my salary. This time, they will hear from a legal counsel. It is just not right. They should PAY, and I will make sure that they bear the consequences of this misdemeanour.

I always do my best to hold off anger and strong emotions. However, given that this is the third time, I WILL NO LONGER SIT BACK AND MERELY WAIT UNTIL THEY JUST GIVE ANOTHER APOLOGY. Honestly, I feel tired when things like this happen. I work my ass off until this
company sucks the life out of me, yet they haven't resolved this age old compensations issue. FUCK HR!

Its a brand new day!

This Friday. I am ready to swing. Payday and all that shiznat coming in. I love J and M. Oh, and I was able to get hold of Mr. Whitlock after a long time absence. He's doing great after a nose operation. I'm glad that eveyrthing is working out well.

So, I am basically excited to hit the gym today. :) This is a really good sign that I am decided on achieving my goals. They maybe long term, but I know I will be able to achieve them.

I love Jim and Jon. M is just another Fubu. hehehe.

So today marks an official one week since I began gym training.

I am really glad I made this move to work on self improvement. I know that there is no other way to become fit unless I exert extra effort in revitalising the veins and blood of this corporeal body.

Things have been quite fun at the gym. No sexual experiences or whatsoever. I guess it is just really all rumours on things taking place at the gym lockers and wet floors. I'm pretty sure that things are going to be better for my health. Patience will be my toughest test in making sure that I live up to being consistent on what I would like to achieve for myself.

I found a very cool Nike volleyball shoes at the Plaza which is around P3000. I will be able to buy it this payday! YAY!

I love Jim!

I love M!

Sigh. Reality just took another bite on me. I cannot ever have them.

2004-02-21 17:09:43
Rock the boat

Thank heavens for sleep. Sean was right in telling me that sleep heals the muscles. M also told me not to get massages as it would worsen muscle aches. I should just leave em be as they would be developing muscle memory. I am excited to resume my gym training on Monday. I am hoping that things would be perfectly going on track. I feel that there are more good things to come.

Hold on to dear life as it has many more things to offer. I know I will succeed in reshaping myself into something better than what I am now. I can say that I have earned a higher level of maturity with life, so it is just right to have the physical body go through the same mould.

Ah. I love life. Earlier today, I was fucking dizzy with only two bottles of beer consumed. Well, it has been a while since I last partied with heavy alcohol involvement. Weed, yes. As I said, it is not to my craving.

Anyway, I still am in a state of bliss in love with many men, yet unreciprocated. I've expected it and someday when that right guy comes along, I know it will even get better.

Wish me luck on the road to getting fit! It will not be an easy path, but I know I will make it.

2004-02-20 02:29:21
The challenge has begun

February 19 marks a very important day in my life. Plenty of things will be affected by this change. I decided that now was the time to make things happen, and so it did.

I am very thankful to Benneth for graciously helping out in convincing me to sign up for gym. I know that I will benefit from it in the long run. It may seem to be more of an expense to most people, but at this point, I have make sacrifices.

I've been talking to Joel (Canada) and M (Az) a whole lot lately. They are such nice people to talk to. I admit that Joel is way better in terms of kindness, but what I appreciate with M is that he trusts me. I like it when people trust me.

So M sent me a link to a pic of his which is quite revealing. I must admit, I find him extremely sexy. God! If he were only someone whom I could have, I would definitely indulge on him. Still, Jim would be my choice. Again, I always fancy things I can NEVER have.=(

Dreaming is the only way I get them closer to me. I must admit, I have grown something more than just affectionate feelings for them. Of course, this would be something that will not be reciprocated. Sigh! The frustrations of someone in love with someone who doesn't even know.

M and Jim are special people in my life. They've been the sparking interest that keeps me going forward. Jim, with all his candidness and frateral nature, makes me feel extremely comfortable, well-loved and cared for without overpampering. M, his brutish and sarcastic statements along with his unpredictable nature makes me stay on my toes, understanding that not everyone is easily pleased with things. I love them. I love them.

Now, it is time to go back to reality. Sob. Reality is sometimes just a painful experience.

2004-02-16 18:34:20
Another day to bitch

So, one good thing that will happen is that I will be starting with gym class today.

However, things slightly became ugly. Joie is getting to the nerves of other people around her. She doesn't know it. Today, she was asking me question via IM. I wasn't understanding her, so I asked her to come to me. It is but right sine she needs the information from me. She
then goes on saying she's lazy. Anyway, she goes on telling me that I still don't get it.

As a supervisor, she needs to be very careful with her words. Given that she is in a higher position, there are plenty of expectations off of her. So far, she's got many great ideas. However, I see that there is an immediate need to have her ability to converse be worked on.

I am not claiming that I reign supreme amongst all TLs, but I can definitely say I have more skills than most of them. Oral communications is one of my innate abilities. She has a need to have better wording of her statements. I know it is not intentional, but when these things come out from her, they are often misunderstood.

I believe that there is a big difference between discipline by diplomacy over discipline by command. Respect can only be earned, and that is something she really needs hard work on. I can only do so much defending her. Otherwise, I will be forced to leave. I will not submit myself to such frustration as my life is already in a state of chaos. I am not a masochist who enjoys pain.

2004-02-12 02:32:33
A crazy day

So wearing black reflected my saturnine state. Most crazy things didn't take place today. Life carried on in its usual hustle and bustle. I an still waiting for Phoebe to transfer her membership to me.

God...a lot of money spending has to be done.

I'm trying to decide on which Microwave to buy. Well, I could go with the on having 12 months 0% interest, but it is definitely more costly. I saw one in SM which is a thousand bucks cheaper, but it is only 3 months 0% interest.

Sigh.

2004-02-11 05:35:36
Slowly coming along

So I've had great realisations for the past couple of days. I'm glad that my mind is making decisions with firmness. I am scared if I am somewhat making decisions and always back out, becuase I admit that it is my common characteristic. Phoebe still has't updated me on what the specifics are on transitioning her account to mine. 5 months of gym membership without having to pay fort he sign up fee would be just money saving. Once everything is all set, I will get my ass there and make sure that every penny is well spent.

I'm glad Karen is around. I enjoy her company. For a someone who is a complete stranger, she did open her arms into welcoming me as part of her life. Ah, of course we cannot forget my dear Jim. He's been extremely nice and fun. I am waiting for the day to visit him and Kristin in MA, and go places. Their hospitality is very heart warming. Indeed, this is a small world.

2004-02-09 03:21:02
It has happened.

Lee has finally given birth. Its amazing how the miracle of life is expressed to giving birth. This miracle is somewhat underestimated. Nevertheless, Lee's role as a mum is now confirmed and validated. I pray that she does well in doing so. I cannot rule out that Adrian will have to do his share too. I don't vouch for the guy's maturity level, but I do hope this experience opens his eyes that he can make or unbreak someone's life in anything he does.

As for me, I have decided that I will make the changed for myself. I've started with kicking the bad habit of smoking. Next step is to get in shape physically. I will be enrolling in the gym this month and will start ASAP. If I want to get things going and happening in my life, I would definitely need to take action. This won't happen with me looking at the sky, sitting down. I have to stand up, get my heavy ass off from my comfort zone. This will be my best gift for my 28th birthday. I know that the change will not be happening overnight, but I have to keep on striving to move on. I will definitely need a motivation. I feel that it is motivation enough to achieve this for my life in the years to come. If I intend to stay around longer, this change is what I need to do.

I have to admit that my admiration for Benneth is amazing. She manages to keep herself organised, and yet still be attuned in being responsible with her professional life. I'll ask if she can by my gym buddy. Given that Trish is now in the position to take challenges, this gives me more time to work on my self improvement. I know this will work out. I just know.

2004-02-04 06:03:14
More changes

Its the month of February, 2004 and yet plenty of things have passed on. Annual appraisals, friends coming and leaving, and more goals to achieve.

My life has pretty much advanced coming from where I used to be. I am more confident in making big decisions, and most of all accept the consequences of my actions. I've managed to be more financially sound, and control my spending habits (though I still have the tendency to go overboard.

Honestly, I think what scares me right now is knowing the fact that sonner or later, I can no longer deny my sexuality to the ones I hold dearest. I should take the suggestion of Kathy on gradually giving small bits and pieces of who I really am to my family. Along with this, I
still am engaged in the battle of weight control. I've started taking pills for weight loss. I hope I get to be in the right track. I am losing hope in this battle. =(

My mind has been thinking 24 by 7 of things to be, and things I can do. I need to rest and take a break. I am so grateful that Jim offered me to stay at his place when I visit again. I really love that guy. I know that I cannot have him, but I am lucky enough to have him as a friend.