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Falling in Love?

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Falling in Love?
I have been talking to this bloke online. He is someone that I met off of the internet dating service. From the start, we have had amazing similarities on personalities, events in our lives and most of all, sexual preference.

I don't know what drew me close to him. His eyes? His hair? What made things even better was when he decided to reply to me. To date, we talk almost every other day, or whenever he
is online. Yesterday, it came out in the open that our liking for each other is mutual. I felt like I was in cloud nine. I just get these visions of sitting with him at a café, sipping coffee, walking in Central Park and kissing whilst the sun sets...visions of a romantic time with him. Would that ever take place? Or it will all be things I would hope to happen, but never will?

Should I take the risk and meet up with him? I really, really want to see him in person! However something is holding me back. The odd part is that I am totally clueless on why I am holding back. Should there be a reason not to? I hope I get to decide to see him ... spend a day with him. *sigh*

I hope Jim would help me on this. I seriously am lost.

There are two songs that have been lingering in my head with all this outburst of joyous emotions. These songs goes out to him.

Music: Angels
Artists: Robbie Williams/Jessica Simpson

I sit and wait does an angel
contemplate my fate and do they know
the places Where we go
when we're grey and old
Cause I've been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
thoughts are running through my head
And i feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

[Chorus:]
And through it all
he offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
and down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
he won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
and my pain walks down
a one way streetI look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
He breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

[Chorus]

[Repeat Chorus]

**********************

Music: Here With Me
Artist: Plumb

In my head I have dreams
I have visions of many things
Questions, longings in my mind

Pictures fill my head
I feel so trapped instead but
Trapped doesn't seem so bad
'Cause you are here

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me

In my heart I had hope
Built on dreams I'll never know
Answers to love left behind

Visions filled my head
I felt so trapped instead but
Trapped didn't seem so bad
'Cause You were near

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me

I can't do anything without You
You give me strength to do anything
I can't be everything I try to
You saved me from the everything
I couldn't be

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
'Cause after all is said and done
I still need You here with me

Need You here with me
I need You here with me

Birthday Post 2005

Friday, June 24, 2005

Birthday Post 2005
I am now officially 29. One more year has been added to my life. I am extremely thankful that I have made it this far. Looking at life from a wider perspective, there are other people who commit suicide out of frustration with their lives. Others just simply never get to reach past their 20s.

29 is something I somewhat dread. I feel that my journey on this planet is no longer the way I saw it when I was in college. Now, it is more colourful, scarier and sometimes just plain routine. I also thought on what happens me when I die. But then, why worry about that when you know that time here on the corporeal world is finite. I shouldn´t be in a rush to meet my maker. There´s lots of time to spend once I´ve already passed away. For now, I´d like to know what lies ahead for me, and the only way to find out is to carry on with my life.

****************

There´s this really cute guy I saw in Coffee Bean at Alabang like a month ago. Today at the gym, I saw him again, and this time up close. I think I saw in him a sparkle that I haven´t seen in anyone else´s eyes. His stunning brown eyes were just tantalizing. He wore a grin that would easily melt your heart. Even if he wasn´t that tall, I know that he has the character to would make up for that. I sure hope that I would meet him again. Perhaps this time, I won´ chicken out. *Cross fingers*

Music: Breathe
Artist: Michelle Branch

I´ve been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I´ve been driving you crazy
and its keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why I should stay
Cause I don´t wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say

And I
Take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I´ve been waiting for a chance to let you in


Chorus:
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I´ll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You´ll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well it´s all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what´s real

And I
Give you just a little time
I
Wonder if you realize
I´ve been waiting till I see it in your eyes

Chorus

Breathe

So I whisper in the dark,
Hoping you hear me
Do you hear me?

Chorus

I´ve been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain

Una Noche Mas

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Music: Una Noche Mas
Artist: Jennifer Lopez

Como te sone, yo te imagine
Seduciendome despacio
Tuya me senti, todo te lo di
Y hasta el alma me has robado
Yo nunca pense que pudiera querer
Con esta pasion que me quema la piel
Volar por tu cuerpo es el cielo tocar
Quiero contigo llegar

[CHORUS:]
Una noche mas, oh oh
Quisiera inventar nuestro amor
Una noche mas, oh oh oh
Sentir junto a ti la pasion

Necesito mas de lo que me das
Todo ya no es suficiente
Me deje llevar por un beso mas
Yo estoy presa para siempre
Mi vida no tuvo sentido sin ti
Vivir de ilusiones fue igual que morir
En otras caricias no pude encontrar
Todo el amor que me das

[CHORUS [2x]]

Mi vida no tuvo sentido sin ti
Vivir de ilusiones fue igual que morir
En otras caricias no pude encontrar
Todo el amor que me das

[CHORUS [2x]]

Sulking as I turn a year older



Sulking as I turn a year older

I think that it is a common juncture that almost everyone goes through when their birthdays come about.

I have a lot of things to be grateful...things that I would have normally taken for granted had I not been in the dumps.

Yes, I am flat broke on my birthday. Without money, I feel so low and etiolated. Since I started working, I felt that money was my main source of happiness and strength. It was a very materialistic point of view.

It was only until now that I learned the importance of looking at the other blessings I have in life. My friends, my family, my health, my well-being, my career and the list goes on.

Anyway. I have all of those realisations in place. I think my head is right where it belongs. However, I have barely one more year till I turn 30. Still single. Should I start looking for Mr. Right? Last time I tried, I met self-absorbed and overzealous cretins. I have set high standards for myself and I feel that I deserve nothing less. My dear friends told me that I should have no expectations when dating, else I will always feel frustrated. I may agree, but not entirely. It is difficult to lower standards. I guess I could settle for the next best thing.

***************

My trip to the US is fast approaching. To date, I am still waiting for my loan to be approved. I hope that I get the full amount that I am requesting and nothing goes wrong. I would love to see my nephews (and a niece) again. Tim, Dan and Isabelle are such nice kids. Makes me wonder if I should ever have my own children. Maybe yes, maybe not. I am looking forward to seeing Ate Angie walk down the aisle, getting married and single no more. Happiness. I hope I do not get asked on when I am getting married. I would certainly just shut down and die.

Then, there is my eagerly anticipated visit to Boston and NH. Jim and Karen. My two most favourite people in MM. Jim who is a certified headturner and convivial character. He told me that he will have met meet his family. (MY GOD! Meet the parents!!!) Karen and all her brilliant humour that never fails to make me laugh. This trip to the northend is definitely a MUST DO.

Last stop is San Francisco. I am so anxious to see Chris and Therese's baby. I am also looking forward to see my booby Trina. We get to shop until we drop. I want new Kenneth Cole Boots!!! Shoes galore. KEM will be my hostess. That would be something extraordinaire.

It will be a short 12-day trip. Waste of money? Maybe. But as long as I get to travel and see the special people in my life, I will go that way.

Music: Una Noche Mas

Artist: Jennifer Lopez

Rain, rain go away.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Rain, rain go away.

Don´t you just love the feeling you´d get when after all the planning and contemplating you´'ve done, people will hardly appreciate your efforts. It is complete BULLSHIT.

Anyway. Everything has been resolved. It really is important to effectively communicate to ensure that people around you understand your predicament.

Many people think that what I do at work is easy. NO. Just once, I&acute;d like them to put themselves in my shoes and feel how I feel through all of this.


Song: Lover´s Spit
Artist: Broken Social Scene

All these people drinking lover´s spit
They sit around and clean their face with it
And they listen to teeth to learn how to quit
Tied to a night they never met

You know it´s time
That we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way

All these people drinking lover´s spit
Swallowing words while giving head
They listen to teeth to learn how to quit
Tied to a night they never met

You know it´s time
That we grow old and do some shit.
I like it all that way

http://www.90683.com/mp3s/Eugene/01%20-%20Lover's%20Spit.mp3


Thanks to M for giving me an MP3. I hope I get to meet you personally someday. Oh yes, I mean to say that I really, really like you.


Song: Falling In Love
Artist: Howie Day

I´m so tired of falling love
Finding it easier to fall out
I can´t deny it
I´m feeling inside I keep it´s fire, oh can I

Chorus:
I´m falling in love again
and nothing I can do
falling in love again
this times with you
when I fall it´s always the same
and I´m so tired
of playing this game

been so long now
since I gave up my heart I kept it locked down
I don´'t want to get it hurt

so let me tell you now I just want to be sure that you won´t hurt me
can you promise me that

Chorus

you gotta tell me if you´re going to break my heart
cause I don´t want to take a chance
and if it ain´t true all it´s gonna be
is nothing but a poor romance
so give me that promise to hold on
and I´ll never let you goI gotta have something to go on
oh let me know now

Chorus


Such a wonderful weekend it was. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith with my mum. It was just bliss. Its good to have her feel nice and enjoy a movie. I guess we should do it more often.

We really should.

***************

I met this nice chap online. HE´s quite a stunner and best part is he hails from New York. We got a lot in common. 1. We both like men. 2. We both love Boston. 3. We love Vampires. 4. We both have long hair. 5. We're both born of different countries. It probably is a match. a great match. He is way younger than I am, but I think it is not an issue right now. I will enjoy this moment while it lasts.

Maybe I should see him in NYC.

*Ponder*

A Toast to Post

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

A Toast to Post

I barely have three weeks to go before I turn a year older.

Summer has ended weeks ago whilst the rainy season has ushered in its torrential wetness and excessive moisture all over the place. Looking back, I had a very wonderful summer. The trip to Boracay was the culmination of all of my travels within the country. The beach was nice. The people were warm and accomodating. The parties were wild and fun. Inspite of all that, I was able to set time for my self assessment. I did successfully have a better realisation of the things that I have deprived myself of.

After the vacation, I was different. I felt that I shouldn't be burning myself out with work. My job was not the centre of all things. My life needed to undergo a major make-over. I have started to go through the changes. The first step, I have taken would surely change where I am headed.

Interlude:

After listening to Lover's Spit of Broken Social Scene, I felt a void in me. NOT that anal void silly! I felt that a part of me was missing. I needed to socialise and see other people. I needed to mingle and engage. I needed to someone to love. Then it occurred to me that searching for mr. right is a big risk, and it does not have guaranteed results. Nothing in life is guaranteed anyway. The bigger question posted itself; was I ready to get hurt? Does falling in love always mean going through pain?

I was talking to a good friend about wanting someone you know you can never have. I feel like the time I will be spending with him would confuse the shit out of me. Then I realised that the feeling of confusion was pain, and the worse part was I liked it. It must be true then.

Looking through the eyes of my friends, I see in them different priorities. I often compared myself with them, on where I am and where I stand. It is safe to assume that we all have a common goal. However, I am very sure that when we move on, things would be different. Moving on has always been a big challenge for me. It is easy to say that everything changes and you just have to go with the flow. Change is the only constant thing in this reality.

I hate the rain. It beings about a somber atmosphere that almost everyone would like to kill themselves. I know that it is a very pessimistic way to view the lovely power of natural cleansing. Yeah. Nature has its ways of giving everyone a new and fresh start.

PEACE. I am gone.

Music: Lover´s Spit - Broken Social Scene

  
   





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