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Sunday, September 12, 2004
2004-09-12 11:46:40 (GMT)
Bad Karma, Good Karma
Last Wednesday, I got probably the best news for my lovelife (or lack of having one) in years. Alas! Someone actually found me interesting and was looking to set up a morning coffee date. Upon realising that I have completely nothing to lose, I immediately said yes and worked on a good schedule to EB.
Friday AM. I was the eager beaver and all excited that I will be (at last) meeting someone, even if it was a blind date. The time and place has been set. The day cometh and I trod along to the gym since our rendezvous was at the lobby of the same building where I work out.
10am lobby of RS: NO SHOW! I have been ditched/stood up! I get an SMS from him saying that he's not feeling well, and that he stayed home. No apologies or whatsoever. I was completely furious and totally disappointed about it. I felt that I was ugly. Its a blow to my morale after having been out of the dating scene for years, this was what I got. A friend told me that its all part of it and I should get used to it. A gym buddy had a different opinion. She thought that relationships are a waste of time. I was just confused. But my friend is right, I cannot take it against a person if she or he is disinterested with me. I just have to understand that not everyone has the same likes and favourites.
Anyway, I just continued with my day as if nothing happened. Hopefully, I get that spark of interest from another searchee.
Sunday was a good Karma day! We won the volleyball game. I was able to play. I will have to admit that I did a number of errors that would've saved the effort, but at least I was able to do a couple of kills. Nailed them right in the face! This is just a great comeback for me. Things did get better. It is just nice that life need not be always on the downside.
Thanks to the higher power.
 
Monday, September 06, 2004
2004-09-06 21:47:15 (GMT)
Connie and Carla and the Gang
It was a totally hilarious Sunday movie. The movie was quite substantial inspite of the comical antics of Nia and Toni. Most important of all, it touched a subject that most gay men experienced at some point in their life ... REJECTION ... even by their own kin.
David Duchovny's character was very charming and as always, suave. I've always been used to seeing him wearing a coat and tie. He just looked awesome.
Now on to the more serious part of things. It is just so amazing that this movie totally captured the dilemmas and it was something that wasn't overglamourised. It was simply life itself. A co-worker said that I would be able to relate to the movie as it shows the life being someone who is struggling to be accepted by society and most of all, his very own family.
In my case, I just choose not to disclose it yet. Perhaps it is something that they are already aware of, but I am not ready to talk about it with them. I am most scared of my folks. Its hard enough for me to think that they would see me as their biggest disappointment. I'm doing myself to pick myself up and boost my self esteem, but sometimes, it could only go so far.
Maybe someday, things would get better and easier. The other day, I was on my way home. There was this guy who was mocking me for being gay. I was very much threatened as the last time this happened to me, I was in college. I had a mixture of emotions trying to contain the strong urge to do a rebuttal. Lord knows, I succeeded in keeping my anger to myself. I realised and understood that I would be wasting my time and effort trying to fend off the misguided creatures who preyed on me.
But things got better. The movie made me feel all good and happy. Even if life throws you a fastball, you got to do your best to catch it rather than just watch the ball go by. I enjoy the company of my friends. I will miss them a lot when and if I move to another company or even another country. I have to prepare myself, as that will happen one day.
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