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And it drags on

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

It was the right decision for me to just shut up and be mum.  Everything would drag on and on.  Explanation after another only resorts to a bigger mess.

Yes.  If I learned anything from the past mistakes, it would be knowing your game and knowing when to regroup.  Its always about being able to see the bigger picture.  I know that in doing this, I have put my family in a very awkward position.  None of this would've happened had I been content and simple.  Mum was right.  I need to face the music and learn the lesson of all these tribulations.

In no way do I need to apologise to them as I've not done them wrong.  I grief mostly on what I have put Auntie and my family into.  Its disheartening that it has gone to this extent.

They said that I live in my own world of deceit and lies.  None of them knows me.  None of them knows what truly Auntie and I agreed on.

Even if when Auntie moves on, this stain will not go away.  Its something I need to live with.

Stay strong. God help me.  Mama Mary help me, Holy spirit guide me.

Life and a lot more

Monday, December 21, 2009

Life has been quite tumultuous this year.



It was indeed synonymous to a violent rollercoaster ride. I've made a lot of good. I've also done a lot of bad. I've judged people, and I've been judged as well.



Prior to all these madness, I was geared up to celebrate the Christmas season. And now, all of them blew up in my face. Worse of all, I've involved those who are innocent.



Now, I can truly say that I have a twisted view of personal happiness. It is truly fleeting. Therefore, I can say that true happiness is not in this lifetime. Contentment is a word that has almost gone extinct. Simplicity is on the verge of fading as well. Everything has evolved to complicated.



Honestly speaking, I've lost the will and motivation to carry on. Adam is right. I need to move somewhere else. Start anew. Manila isn't going to be the place to do that. I'm not running away from my problems. I just need time to rethink myself and start over.



I'm thankful to mama and my brothers for having been so supportive of me. I'm grateful for the true friends as well. They never judged me at all. Even if they did, they've grown to accept me.



Right now, I am tired. I am physically, mentally and spiritually tired. I've no recourse, but to do as what mama said. Lift them all to God. He is the source of strength and courage. Ask for the intercession of Mama Mary, as she is the mother full of compassion and mercy.



Aside from my family, this blog is the only inanimate thing that I have to whom I can confide.

I'll be going through a period of seclusion.  This one something only time can heal.

  
   





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