RANT RANT RANT!
I'm trying to understand where I went wrong. Did I set the wrong expectation? Did I say that "YES! We will buy..." *sigh*
It frustrates me that I always end up being on the losing side when I talk to you. Truth is, its not about winning or who's wrong or right. Its all about what is given.
I looked in the dictionary and got the definition of the words canvassing and estimate. Both terms does not mean "to buy," rather it expresses the intent to engage with a transaction in a future time.
I almost collapsed in the middle of the road when you told me that the restorers picked up the dining chairs and sofa set for reupholstering. During our earlier conversations, I mentioned if you could ask on the payment terms and how long would it take to finish. I NEVER MENTIONED THAT WE WILL GO AHEAD WITH THE REUPHOLSTERING! My god! 30K for reupholstering! I know that it will be money well spent, but it wasn't part of the budget.
Ngayon, kasalan ko pa na hindi ako naging malinaw. Kung sabagay, TANGA NGA NAMAN AKO. Bakit pa kita sinama sa mall para tumingin. Eh di ba kaya nga ang ginamit na salita ay TUMINGIN at hind BUMILI. I refuse to believe that was being unclear and misleading.
WORSE of all, hinalukay mo na naman lahat ng kasalanan ko mula pagkabata. Sinabihan mo pa akong ipagkumpara kita sa ibang magulang na humingi ng regular na umento. I love our home. It is where I grew up and I never questioned ONE SINGLE BIT on my responsibilities. However, I have my life to live and look after. Its ironic that you always tell us to save up, and plan for the future. Sad to say, I couldn't do that. All I have right now are frustrations that I can't help you with your problems, and I feel that I am a worthless son.
It is painful when you talk to me and confide about the problems we face. But it seems like you've given up on everything. My prayers are always about hoping that we could get through this. Sometimes, I can't help but think that it would be better if I get killed in an accident or something so that all of the insurance money would be yours so you could have a better life that I couldn't give when I was alive. Nakakapagod. I press on not to give up, but how I see things, you've left it all to God. God helps those who help themselves.
I am tired. Meds are making me groggy. I will rest for now. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm sure it will be much better.
At the end of it all, malaki pa rin ang pasasalamat ko at mayroon akong kama at bahay na inuuwian. Higit pa sa lahat ng mga problemang ito ang mga biyaya na taglay naming mag-anak.
***** ***** ***** *****
It frustrates me that I always end up being on the losing side when I talk to you. Truth is, its not about winning or who's wrong or right. Its all about what is given.
I looked in the dictionary and got the definition of the words canvassing and estimate. Both terms does not mean "to buy," rather it expresses the intent to engage with a transaction in a future time.
I almost collapsed in the middle of the road when you told me that the restorers picked up the dining chairs and sofa set for reupholstering. During our earlier conversations, I mentioned if you could ask on the payment terms and how long would it take to finish. I NEVER MENTIONED THAT WE WILL GO AHEAD WITH THE REUPHOLSTERING! My god! 30K for reupholstering! I know that it will be money well spent, but it wasn't part of the budget.
Ngayon, kasalan ko pa na hindi ako naging malinaw. Kung sabagay, TANGA NGA NAMAN AKO. Bakit pa kita sinama sa mall para tumingin. Eh di ba kaya nga ang ginamit na salita ay TUMINGIN at hind BUMILI. I refuse to believe that was being unclear and misleading.
WORSE of all, hinalukay mo na naman lahat ng kasalanan ko mula pagkabata. Sinabihan mo pa akong ipagkumpara kita sa ibang magulang na humingi ng regular na umento. I love our home. It is where I grew up and I never questioned ONE SINGLE BIT on my responsibilities. However, I have my life to live and look after. Its ironic that you always tell us to save up, and plan for the future. Sad to say, I couldn't do that. All I have right now are frustrations that I can't help you with your problems, and I feel that I am a worthless son.
It is painful when you talk to me and confide about the problems we face. But it seems like you've given up on everything. My prayers are always about hoping that we could get through this. Sometimes, I can't help but think that it would be better if I get killed in an accident or something so that all of the insurance money would be yours so you could have a better life that I couldn't give when I was alive. Nakakapagod. I press on not to give up, but how I see things, you've left it all to God. God helps those who help themselves.
I am tired. Meds are making me groggy. I will rest for now. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm sure it will be much better.
At the end of it all, malaki pa rin ang pasasalamat ko at mayroon akong kama at bahay na inuuwian. Higit pa sa lahat ng mga problemang ito ang mga biyaya na taglay naming mag-anak.
***** ***** ***** *****
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on Thursday, November 27, 2008 at 5:00 AM.
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