Christmas 2005
Christmas 2005
I am very thankful that I got to spend the actual Christmas eve and Christmas day at home. This is the first time in six years that I'm actually home for the holidays.
However, there is one downside to it. I am indeed happy that I've spent it with my family and relatives, but I have felt this time how terribly I miss my dad. I never expected to feel such sadness on a supposedly joyous occasion.
Today, when I heard Christmas Sunday worship, the choir was singing Silent Night. All of a sudden, I was glassy eyed. I couldn't help but feel sadness on how much our family can never be the same again. This holiday opened my eyes to what I have taken for granted throughout the years.
I overlooked the importance of cherishing the precious moments that our family spent time as a whole. I had to hide the tears because I know I was going to breakdown. I now understand how it feels like to be terribly lonely. Bitter. I feel very, very bitter. She also went to dad's grave. I wanted to go, but I felt that it was her solo time with dad. I had to give her the private moment. Besides, I would've broken down had I been there.
I am very thankful that I got to spend the actual Christmas eve and Christmas day at home. This is the first time in six years that I'm actually home for the holidays.
However, there is one downside to it. I am indeed happy that I've spent it with my family and relatives, but I have felt this time how terribly I miss my dad. I never expected to feel such sadness on a supposedly joyous occasion.
Today, when I heard Christmas Sunday worship, the choir was singing Silent Night. All of a sudden, I was glassy eyed. I couldn't help but feel sadness on how much our family can never be the same again. This holiday opened my eyes to what I have taken for granted throughout the years.
I overlooked the importance of cherishing the precious moments that our family spent time as a whole. I had to hide the tears because I know I was going to breakdown. I now understand how it feels like to be terribly lonely. Bitter. I feel very, very bitter. She also went to dad's grave. I wanted to go, but I felt that it was her solo time with dad. I had to give her the private moment. Besides, I would've broken down had I been there.
Just this evening, I looked at my mum whilst having dinner. Her eyes were obviously sad and empty. She may not say it, but I feel the gloominess of the moment. I can't believe that I am crying on a Christmas day. This is the very first time I've experienced this heartbreaking moment. *sigh*
I can already anticipate how miserable I'll be this coming New Year. I think I just lost my holiday spirit.
I'm out.
***********
Music: I'll Be Home For Christmas
Artist: Bing Crosby
This entry was posted
on Sunday, December 25, 2005 at 4:01 AM.
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Marko: yes, it certainly doesn't feel nice at all to be missing a loved one during the holidays.
it's been one year since my dear aunt died. she was like a 2nd mom to me, and i saw her expire right before my eyes on that hospital bed. i remember spending my birthday at her wake.
in time, the pain of loss will come to pass.
.. that little feeling .. is a reminder that those who have left .. are not really gone .. theyre with us .. in everything little we do.
We love you Ian. - Chin and Ada now with Mike.
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