He is gone and never coming back.
2004-11-21 16:19:42 (GMT)
He is gone and never coming back.
Just when I thought that my prayers were answered, things became very shocking. I thought life can be very tough and unpredictable, but I never thought it could be this cruel.
I was expecting dad to go home two Saturdays ago, yet something held him back. An unexpected turn of events had totally changed our lives. Friday afternoon, Dad passed away. It never occured to me that things like this would ever happen to me and my family, and yet it did.
We had all of ourselves totally caught flat-footed. At that time, I figured that the sky had fallen on our heads, and hope was an illusion. Each of us immediately felt that a part of us was torn from our very fabric of existence.
So at first that dad would make it through his heart attack, but he didn't. He did no pull through. Going back, I was bracing myself for the worst, when I was en route to the hospital. It was the longest 1.5 hours of my life. The tears I shed were all for the future. I realised that he's not coming back, and that my family is no longer complete.
I felt angry at first, thinking that he left us behind. But then I figured, he is now in peace. Free from all the pain and suffering that this corporeal world hands down to its inhabitants. No more pain. No more anguish. He is free to go to places he's never been. Nothing can hold him back. What he has is complete freedom.
I feel so sad for my mum. She's been mostly sad and crying from time to time. I try my best to stay strong and unmoved for her. However, the harder I try, the more painful it gets. I cannot push her. It is only time that would be able to completely make her recover from this tragedy.
I also felt bad about my mum having said that we won't be around for her. She only has her church friends/community to turn to. I find that very unfair. I know that it is the reality, but none of us have a choice. We all have our own lives to live. Goals to achieve and aspirations to meet. I just hope that she didn't say that.
Honestly speaking, that statement made a scar that cannot be removed. It inflicted a sharp pain that died out, yet still remains. I don't know what to do. I cannot give up, so I will just carry on. As they say, good things happen after tragedies. I could only hope for things to get better.
Another issue that bothered me, was that I feel that I might be losing touch with my sense of spirituality. I used to pray a lot when I was younger. I feel that there is a need to bring that back. There is a higher power and definitely that is something I believe in. All of the recent events in my life has forged me to be somewhat cold, frigid and even phlegmatic. Am I on the verge of becoming the ice queen/king? It frightens me that I have somewhat become the person I am. I hope things change for the better...
And to you dad, I love you. I will miss you. :(
He is gone and never coming back.
Just when I thought that my prayers were answered, things became very shocking. I thought life can be very tough and unpredictable, but I never thought it could be this cruel.
I was expecting dad to go home two Saturdays ago, yet something held him back. An unexpected turn of events had totally changed our lives. Friday afternoon, Dad passed away. It never occured to me that things like this would ever happen to me and my family, and yet it did.
We had all of ourselves totally caught flat-footed. At that time, I figured that the sky had fallen on our heads, and hope was an illusion. Each of us immediately felt that a part of us was torn from our very fabric of existence.
So at first that dad would make it through his heart attack, but he didn't. He did no pull through. Going back, I was bracing myself for the worst, when I was en route to the hospital. It was the longest 1.5 hours of my life. The tears I shed were all for the future. I realised that he's not coming back, and that my family is no longer complete.
I felt angry at first, thinking that he left us behind. But then I figured, he is now in peace. Free from all the pain and suffering that this corporeal world hands down to its inhabitants. No more pain. No more anguish. He is free to go to places he's never been. Nothing can hold him back. What he has is complete freedom.
I feel so sad for my mum. She's been mostly sad and crying from time to time. I try my best to stay strong and unmoved for her. However, the harder I try, the more painful it gets. I cannot push her. It is only time that would be able to completely make her recover from this tragedy.
I also felt bad about my mum having said that we won't be around for her. She only has her church friends/community to turn to. I find that very unfair. I know that it is the reality, but none of us have a choice. We all have our own lives to live. Goals to achieve and aspirations to meet. I just hope that she didn't say that.
Honestly speaking, that statement made a scar that cannot be removed. It inflicted a sharp pain that died out, yet still remains. I don't know what to do. I cannot give up, so I will just carry on. As they say, good things happen after tragedies. I could only hope for things to get better.
Another issue that bothered me, was that I feel that I might be losing touch with my sense of spirituality. I used to pray a lot when I was younger. I feel that there is a need to bring that back. There is a higher power and definitely that is something I believe in. All of the recent events in my life has forged me to be somewhat cold, frigid and even phlegmatic. Am I on the verge of becoming the ice queen/king? It frightens me that I have somewhat become the person I am. I hope things change for the better...
And to you dad, I love you. I will miss you. :(
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on Monday, November 22, 2004 at 11:47 AM.
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